- Emo Girl and Her Projects
- September 28th, 2009
So. I've been talking with a friend of mine about my life and the change I want to see take place. He suggested I post to facebook or lj more often about my progress and about what I'm struggling with. I don't know. I got my lj account years ago but didn't post much to it because I felt weird broadcasting my feelings about stuff to people. Never mind that I'll tell almost anybody what I'm thinking in real life. I'm the sort of person who'll tell a stranger her whole life story. But when it comes to having personal information not in my direct control, or written down, I'm a clam.
So here's my experiment. I'm going to try being more revealing on lj about my life goals on hopes that talking about this crap will help me clarify my thoughts about those goals and commit to making the change I want to see happen in my life happen.
So here's what's on my mind.
First off, I had weight loss surgery last May and I'm still in a process of trying to get healthier and exercise more. That goal is well underway, I just need to stick to it.
Secondly, I have embarrassing amounts of debt that I need to get rid of, and especially in this economy I need some sort of cash cushion to help me if anything goes wrong.
Third, a major motivation for getting healthy and becoming more financially stable is that I want to have a child. I just turned 39 my last birthday, and there really is no time to waste. I'm going to wait until May to give myself enough time after my surgery, and in hopes I can improve my financial situation, and then I want to start trying.
Lastly, if I could find a serious partner, that'd be great, but I fear that'd only distract me from my other goals. If I were seriously dating someone, I might feel pressure to wait to have a kid until it was convenient for them like I felt when I was with Sasha, and I really don't want to let anything get in my way. Also, I tend to always put my love life before absolutely everything else, and consequently lose focus. So while I'd like someone to share a life with, I think my tendency in the past year or so to gravitate towards people who can't be that for me has been my unconscious way of keeping myself safe.
So those are my goals, and what's been preoccupying my thoughts. I don't know if they're attainable, I don't know if I can find a second job to help me pay down debt or if I'll even be fertile, but that's what I'm going to try for. I'll post updates on my thoughts and if I get any words of encouragement, that'll be a nice bonus.
So this is what's going on in my life.